I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
