I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
