he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
