I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
