Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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