if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
