So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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