and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
