So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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