shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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