I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
