Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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