You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
