her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
