I just saw a hot homeless man
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
