Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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