I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
