Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
