I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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