Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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