true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
