i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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