found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
