Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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