We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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