Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
