I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
