Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
