Well apparently he's into motor boating.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
