Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize