Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
