party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize