just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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