You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
