I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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