I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
