Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
