Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize