Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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