Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize