Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
