To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
