I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
