why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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