Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
