How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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