I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
