i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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