Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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