A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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