I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My cat gives me a boner
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
