i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
