I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
