I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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