we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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