she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
