That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
