She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
