Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
