my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
