Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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