rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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