apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize