u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
whose parrot is this?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
