So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
