well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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