Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
