There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
