I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
