I wish I could teleport
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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