Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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