i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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