remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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