After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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